I am a part of a network marketing company (keep reading, I’m not going to try and sell you anything. That’s not how I roll.) that has completely changed my life in several ways. I back up and believe in the products 100%, the compensation plan is unheard of, the integrity of the company is second-to-none and  I have been taking the products for two years and feel better than I did when I was in my early 2o’s. In our company, we have a woman who is at the top of her game. She is the top leader, top earner, top rank, top, top, top out of six figures of people that are a part of our company. She seems to be a kind and compassionate woman who has a great life and everyone I know wants to be like her. Attraction marketing really is a thing, because her life speaks to the spirit animal inside of me (in case you were wondering, my spirit animal’s name is Carolina Herrera). It makes me want to be a better leader, a better person, and makes me incredibly hopeful that I can fight past the spirit of poverty that I have been living under for nearly 40 years. There is no ceiling on opportunity like this. I cried out in desperation asking God to bring me hope for many areas of my life and He brought me the hope that comes from these products and this company and the people tied in with it. That sounds great, right? It is!

However, I have still struggled. I have done more self-development in the last two years than I ever thought possible to do and I absolutely love myself and my weird life, even though it’s hard sometimes. This journey has enabled me see I don’t need to spend so much time trying to “fix” my life but I need to create and cultivate the life I want. This has been huge for me, ya’ll. But, I’m still a terrible leader. I’m not a good network marketer because over the last five years I have allowed failed friendships to cause me not to trust people and if I can’t trust people I can’t build relationships with them. Maybe it has to do with my weirdness that comes from being an INFJ, with an emphasis on the “I” for introvert. I can sing or speak on a stage in front of thousands of people because I can still separate myself from them and it’s not as intimate. It’s a whole ‘nuther ball game when I have to let someone in to my mind and let them see who I am. I am guarded. I protect myself. I’m not good at this building-relationship-and-build-your-business thing because I am really picky about who I allow myself to have access to the real me and it is HARD for me to separate the two. I’m a terrible leader. I don’t follow through. I don’t reach out to the people who want me to. It’s weird. I don’t know what I’m AFRAID of. That’s where it comes from….FEAR. Fear of what? I don’t know at all. I honestly can’t answer that question. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I just am not doing what I know I should be doing. That’s it.

I am a prophetic person and as you’ve seen in past admissions, I usually get my “aha!” moments in dreams. Last night I had another crazy dream but I definitely got the message it was trying to convey.It involved being invited to a soiree of sorts by our top leader in the company that I mentioned above. The one that speaks to my inner Carolina Herrera. Usually in our company, you have to earn these types of trips, which is fair. I never earn them. I’m too busy self-developing. (insert eye roll emoji here) This soiree was at a resort type place and it was EXTREME. It looked like the Pepto Fairy had thrown up all over the resort because everything was pink (which is the signature color of our company and main product). There were little ladies in the women’s locker/bath room that had these tables and they were doing all these weird things that I had never seen before using these little electrical machines…maybe facials? maybe hair removal? maybe massage? I don’t know. The whole place and everything they did seemed so foreign to me. I didn’t know anything that was going on because it was a life I could not identify with. In the middle of this resort building was a large pool area that had a HUGE amusement park ride above it. There was a long seat with a safety bar across us and my upline/top company earner lady, myself, and my daughters were in this seat a long with some random people I didn’t know. I think they were assistants of top earner lady. We were riding on this big thing and it was SO far up in the air. I was freaking out a little, but top earner lady was having so much fun! It was almost a little boring to her because she had done it so many times, but she was still making an effort to have fun even if she knew what was happening next. All of a sudden, top earner lady and her assistant wiggled out of the safety bar, and STOOD UP in the chair of the ride that is going fairly fast and they JUMPED OFF THE CHAIR squealing in delight as they dove in the water that seemed to be miles below us. I. WAS. FREAKING. OUT. Why the carp (yes, carp) would they do this? She had briefly encouraged me to join her but I was too busy freaking out so she went on without me. The voice in my head in my dream was so clear to me. It said to me, “That is why she is so successful, is because she isn’t afraid of the things you are afraid of.” *blank stare* “That is why she is so successful, is because she isn’t afraid of the things you are afraid of.”

If I feel like I can’t even identify what I’m afraid of why am I letting it have so much power over me? No matter what area my success and gain is in, I am letting fear take control and keep me from doing what I need to do so that I can be who I need to be. This doesn’t just apply to someone in network marketing. This applies to every area of my life and every area of your life to. So how are you letting fear keep you from growing? Look around you. There has to be at least ONE person that you look to for advice, growth, encouragement and betterment for your life, job, family, or whatever else. What are they doing that you are afraid of? Don’t let fear in your life keep you from talking to the places in your heart that hold the secrets to your future. I’m not anymore.